This is (almost) exactly how it happened.

This morning before I went to Pertu, the coffee shop near our apartment on Dob Utca, I listened to the new JVA demos. They’re amazing. The longing to be a part of that tore straight to my gut, but not the easy way - through my torso - oh no. It ripped my head off and ate through my heart before turning into a whale in the fishbowl of my stomach. I know I can’t make it through a second listen so I drag myself to the coffee shop. Pertu has become home base in a sense. I go daily in an attempt to make friends with the baristas. I want friendly faces. I want someone who recognizes my face and the smile that comes with that acknowledgement, even if it is only an empty pleasantry. Even if it’s not warm with honest emotion.

I set up shop in the upstairs corner and turn on my computer. The internet is a small refuge from my alien surroundings. I read up on my friend’s lives. I fill in the details as only one with intimate knowledge of the people and places can do. Today, however, the internet has turned on me. My inbox brings only bad news. There’s a rejection letter from a freelance writing company. There are emails from English language schools telling me I’m too late. They’ve already filled all of their positions. I tell myself it’s not that bad.

I’m the worst kind of liar. I’m lying to someone who already knows the truth. There’s no comfort in these empty words. I don’t mention it to Johnmark until we get ready to leave. He tells me the same things I’ve been telling myself.

We leave Pertu and hop on the tram. We take it to the other side of the Danube river where we begin walking up the hill. We’re going to Buda castle. It’s on the top of the hill which, admittedly, is a good place to put a castle. We walk up hills through narrow, winding streets. The buildings are packed so efficiently together that, while looking down the road, sometimes only the color of the paint can be used to distinguish one building from the next as there is barely enough room between them to create shadows or even the illusion of space. We climb stairs. Lots of stairs, until finally we reach the castle walls. We spend the afternoon walking. We take in the view of the entire city from the castle walls. I feel bigger and wonder at how such a large city can suddenly look so much smaller. I think of how small home would look if it were nestled on the other side of the river. I think of how small home would look if I could see it now, where it currently sits, from this distance on this hill. Suddenly the city re-inflates and I feel tiny again.

We see the palace. We see small shops and statues of war heroes. We walk down the hill and across the Chain Bridge. We walk to St. Stephen’s Basilica. Europe is not lacking in ornate churches, to say the least, but the enormity of this one radiates an effect that can be felt from blocks away, before the entire building is even in sight. Even if you’re someone who loathes organized religion, the awe felt when you enter the church will steal away your breath leaving you nothing with which to even whisper a single bad word about it. There’s no proper way to describe it and even showing someone a picture of the inside wouldn’t transmit the feeling of being there. It would be like if someone asked you if there were in love and you tried to show them a picture of love and ask them if that’s how they felt.

On our way home we realize that, not only do we have no groceries waiting for us, but we only had a pastry for lunch and the afternoon of walking has left us starving. We decide to stop in a small Hungarian restaurant. We sit down, open our menus, and I’m a child again. I make out one word, the Hungarian word for spinach. I turn my menu towards Johnmark and ask him for help. He starts reading through it without complaint but I decide on the first thing that sounds remotely like something I would want to eat. I don’t want to be a burden. I end up with beef cooked with red wine and mashed potatoes. The food is cheap and delicious.

We get back to the apartment and I lay down for a quick nap. Johnmark inadvertently falls asleep with his head on his crossed arms on the table. We are wiped out. We wake up and have a light snack. We head out to Nona’s apartment. Nona is from Ohio and is studying Environmental Studies at an English language college in Budapest. She’s having people over for Hungarian hot wine. There will be people from here school there. It’s an English speaking party of sorts. It’s nice to meet people who I can just talk to. I feel like I spend all of my time outside of the apartment just listening. I only talk to Johnmark.

We meet a guy from Portugal and his girlfriend, who is from California. There are two girls who are roommates, one from New Zealand and the other from England. There’s a Hungarian girl. There’s a guy from Zimbabwe by way of Australia. I couldn’t even imagine a group like that getting together in the US, except for maybe on a college campus somewhere. Everyone has traveled so much. I feel inexperienced and undereducated. We all share amazing stories. We talk about crazy clubs and about racism alike. We talk about theatre and maternity leave. We talk about governments. Almost no one has anything good to say about governments. The Americans try to explain fraternities and sororities. We laugh and joke. I marvel at how different we all are and yet how, when it comes down to it, we’re all the same. Human.

Turned out to be a good day after all.